Today at about 10:30am I was sitting on the john doing my daily duty (which I had missed doing the day before). This was a welcome sign of relief as I was feeling a bit constipated and because of my constipation I had two bowls of raisin bran before going to bed. It usually takes a few minutes of sitting on the john doing a crossword or reading the newspaper before my bowels start to move. However, once my cheeks hit the toilet seat a huge load was expelled. When I flushed, the huge (one piece) turd rolled over once and then lodged itself in the trap, leaving half of it exposed to view. I rolled off some TP and prepared to wipe, but before I could I was seized with the urge to evacuate once more. Suddenly another huge turd (loose) was deposited atop the half that remained from my first effort. I followed this with emptying my bladder which has always indicated that my trip to the john had reached its conclusion. I was amazed when my stomach growled, followed by a significant fart, and another loosely formed turd eased out to top the other two!
Before wiping, I thought I should take a look to see if my three deposits were flushable and for the first time in my 55 years I saw vapors rising from the scene of the crime! I've been frantically searching the web ever since trying to find any info on this phenomena and have yet to find anything about it. My own postulations of the matter have lead me to three possible explanations:- It could have been vapor caused by the pungency and foul odor of the mess!
- It could have been steam, however I live in San Diego and the air and water temperature were in the mid 50s.
- It could have been "the smoking gun", whatever that signifies.
- What would Dear Abbie's advice be about if I did flush and I had an overflow would it be proper manners to get the neighbor who absconded with my trusty plunger over to clean the foul mess up?
3 comments:
you are a discusting person!
You may think that I am disgusting person, although I don't agree with you, however, you are entitled to think whatever you like. One thing that I can say about you with certainty is that you need help with your spelling.
The entry that I posted wasn't so much about 'shit', it's main objective was to address the issue of loaning something to a person (the plunger) and who's responsibility it is to clean up the mess that was caused by their not returning it.
Yes, they promised to return it as soon as they were finished using it, and, to tell the truth, after a few days had gone by without it being returned, I completely forgot about it. Then, when I had a backup in my toilet and I looked in the cupboard where I had kept the plunger, imagine my horror when it wasn't there.
I could have avoided having to deal with this hideous episode by refusing to lend my trusty plunger to my neighbor and in the future anytime that someone asks to borrow something of mine, my answer will be "no"!
I might add, that after I had cleaned up the mess, I knocked on my neighbor's door and politely asked him if I could get the plunger that he had borrowed from me back. He said sure and went to his bathroom to retrieve it. When he returned, he told me that he had loaned it to his brother who lived several miles away. I nearly blew a gasket upon hearing this for the fact that he had given it to his brother as if it he owned it. He didn't give a hoot about the fact that it was not his to lend.
I told him that I needed it and that I expected him to go get it, or to have his brother return it. When I asked him about it the following day he said that his brother must have lost it, because he couldn't find it. Then I asked him if he had told his brother that the plunger was mine and if he couldn't find it, that he would need to buy a new one for me.
He gave a dumb sounding answer of, "No". I said to him, "I don't care if you have to buy a new one or not, I want my plunger replaced by tomorrow!"
He quit answering my knocks on his door after that so I figured that he was sliding my demand off. A few weeks went by and this ass hole had the audacity to knock on my door, late one night, asking to borrow a flashlight so he could see while he relighted his pilot light to his water heater which was located in a metal box just outside his back door.
He was taken aback when I refused to lend him anything ever again after he had never replaced my plunger. As I closed my door to him, he began muttering epithets about me which I chose to ignore.
Imagine my delight when I heard a mildly loud explosion ten minutes later. Upon investigating its origination, I found him in the back of his house with a dazed look on his face and his eyelashes, eyebrows, and the hair on top of his heard singed to a crisp! I could barely refrain from bursting into laughter and had to delay my belly roll until I had returned to my house!
What a fucking idiot! I was glad that he hadn't been seriously injured, but I was elated to know that he had been blasted by a small gas explosion. But that was not the end of this unfortunate episode, for a few weeks later another neighbor told me that he had told them of his misfortune and that it was all my fault, since I had refused to let him borrow a flashlight.
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